Mom was reading the newspaper with her usual vigor when she suddenly turned towards me and posed a difficult question, “Will you take me to this wedding exhibition at Hotel Ashok? My friend has put a stall there..” Now that’s my mom looking at me expectantly, knowing very well that I am least interested in attending a ‘wedding exhibition’. Oh, but that’s also my mom and as a good son I should take her wherever she wants.
So, I said NO :p and instead threw back a logical question, “What in world will I do there while you hop around Mom?” Little did I know that she was more prepared than a pack of ready-to-eat poha (oh snap! forgive me 😛 ). She immediately pointed her finger at the single guy on the full page ad of the exhibition in Delhi Times and said, “See there is stuff for you as well, so you will have fun!”, and we laughed.
I am writing this piece just to log how I got sold on her illogical sales pitch, again, before we leave for the exhibition (in the next 30 minutes).
Where is my place
I’m still figuring out;
Where is my place
Looms my biggest doubt.
Is it under the sun or over the moon,
Wherever it is, I want to find it soon.
Is it in the hands of some political goon
But tell me, why should I dance to their tune.
My place will be mine
It’s mine to decide;
I have made mistakes but at least I’ve tried.
Confused and dazed I search for my place,
When will time come to end this chase.
My life has been enlightened since I met this beautiful Mallu chic, however this does not come without its own set of pitfalls. Read on to find out what they are:
Disclaimer: All the views expressed below are derived from my own experience. Try them at home at your own expense.
- She is a confused Indian: Is she from a forbidden country in the Middle East? Does she have a fancy accent? Does she think too high of herself? Am I confusing you? Ok. Have you ever heard her make the following remark:
‘McDonald’s!, who eats at McDonald’s?’
Well, now you know you’re in big trouble.
- The great wall of language barriers: If your chic does not speak Hindi and you are a north Indian guy like me you have three options:
a. You take a course on sign language
b. You learn Malayalam
c. You pretend to be dumb (which kind of compliments the sign language point 😉 )
- Turmoil of the cuisines: Food for her is sometimes just a cup of coffee or a bag of chips. Yeah that chapati and dal which was always a complete meal for you would now be a distant dream 😉
Also, be prepared for rice, a lot of rice.
- What is love? If she happens to compete with you in every single hobby of your and beats the shit out of you then just admit that your game is over. You definitely need to go try your luck on someone else now! And BTW love = competition for her 😉
Hope that you now know what things you need to take care of in case you want to date a Mallu chic. All the best!