Mom – “Come back home early. We have to go to this pre-holi get together!”
Me – “umm.. Not interested ma! What will I do, I don’t even know anyone!”
Mom – “oh everyone is going to be there. It’s going to be fun! Emotional blackmail. More emotional blackmail”
I knew there was going to be no one to talk to, and that I will be lost in a group of aunties and uncles and confused kids (whose minds haven’t grown to realize the harassment they were going through. Just sitting on their chairs and gazing into the flashy dancefloor lights). So I did what I really like doing – I ate and I observed.
Looking at all uncles and aunties dancing to all latest numbers was actually fun. Mom wasn’t entirely wrong. As I sat on my corner seat, accessible only to the waiter (who brought me tasty kebabs at regular intervals), I began to notice a few patterns on the dance floor, rather types of dancing uncles on the floor. Here’s my list with corresponding traits (just so it’s easy for you to identify) –
- All Season Dancer – they are in their late 40s, may or may not be drunk, don’t care if the floor is empty or full. They can can dance with kids, wives, male friends, friends’ wives, waiters, and even new born babies. Best way to identify them is to spot the cry baby when the DJ stops playing. They hate it when the party is over. Quick Confession – I may grown up to become just this. But it is OK!
- Flexi Body Uncle – they are in their early 40s and have god-gifted flexibility built into their bodies. Their body is kind of wavy with no room for corners, which essentially means each body joint is either busy forming waves, or broken (oh what crap). Best way to identify them is by their fluidic moves. They are almost bald, have a paunch, sport a cool party t-shirt and maintain a very confident expression throughout.
- Type M Performer – that M stands for moody. These uncles have a very niche taste in songs on which they will dance. For instance, this one time when the DJ gave some electronic spin to a popular bollywood number, one type M performer got really pissed. He made a very disappointed face, his eyebrows, eyes, mouth, and all supporting face flab took an inverted U shape. Umm.. I may not be able to explain this properly but he was just very very sad and pissed! Just like a kid.
- Flash Mover – these uncles are pretty much like All Season Dancers except for two special traits – 1. They dance in spurts (say for 30 seconds, every eight minutes) and 2. They just have one move which they will do again and again, but with confidence (like hey! look at my unique move, kind of expression). Best way to spot them is via crowd cheers. The crowd will hoot and start clapping every time these uncles hit the stage. A part of the reason to a Flash Mover’s confidence is the crowd’s inability to recall the moves he did just eight minutes back. Guess, nobody cares about novelty here!
- Discrete Foot Tapper – think the name gives it. This is the category of dancers who are just too shy to dance on the floor and instead take solace in their beat synced foot tapping skills. It’s not difficult to spot them, they are everywhere!!!! Secretly tapping their feet.. Don’t worry, they don’t bite!
I frankly had a great time attending this get together. Look forward to attending more such functions if my uncles don’t read this!